This is the only LIFE I got!

well I spent the entire morning in the Bodleian. Now for people who don't know, the Bodleian is this gienormous library in Oxford. Featuring 8 miles of books, it is considered the pivotal center of high learning. I was sooo excited to finally be able to enter its walls...so naive was I ...for there is a darker side to the Bodleian ....It is a repressive, Bad-Karma, "don't even think about breathing to loud" atmosphere, that requires one to take a blood oath..(well maybe not blood....) to just enter its formidable walls. Ye shall not take thoust books outside of thine walls or thou will be tracked down like a hunted dog.....Which means instead of indulging in a friendly cup of starbucks no-whip skinny ginger bread lattee with an extra shot of expresso, and settling down in a warm inviting atmosphere of decadent smells and charming background conversation, I am forced to sit in the most uncomfortable chairs known to mankind and freeze in the chilly air of repression, shut off from all normal human contact. Here the student population are slaves to a higher realm of academia. Trapped by their own individual chains of intellectual pursuit.....Could this be my personal hell?...sitting in my little carroll this morning it sure felt like it. By 1 o'clock I found myself starting to develop a nervous eye tick. I could feel the cold grip of academia rules and regulations begin to tighten around my throat. My eyes began to burn and my palms sweat. I could bear the burden no longer! The growing stacks of books that have never seen natural sunlight piled around me promised at least 8 more hours of unholy academic bondage.... My brain suddenly began to liquefy and slide out my left ear. NO! My inner soul screamed I NEED TO LIVE! I NEED TO ESCAPE SOMEHOW! Brandishing my pencil I stood up, knowing that each moment counted. Out of the left corner of my eye I could the agents of the dark side of academia start to make their moves towards me. It was now or never. Screaming a glorious warcry that would make any extra in Braveheart jealous I surged forward. from the second level on of the keeper of the stacks did a swan dive in a desperate suicidal effort to stop me from achieving freedom, from my left another librarian whipped out a new package of shiny paperclips ready to fire upon command, Dead center was the porter, I knew him to be the my greatest challenge, "LET ME SEE YOUR BAG!LUV" He cried swooping for my possessions. "NEVER" I screamed...Stabbing him with my pencil I executed three process backflips, did seven cartwheels and an a highly unnecessary tuck and roll, coming face to face with two gigantic wooden doors. Behind this portal was lay freedom, truth, and the romance novel genre! Human contact! COFFEE! With an incredible show of strength and determination I pushed the doors open and was basked in the glow of the midday sun. Shrieking in pain, those who meant to stop me backed away from these glorious rays...I walked forward into glory..... aka the starbucks directly around the corner....Victorious ....Never to grace the doors of the Bodleian again....Until at least noon tomorrow.....

Let the Christmas Season Commence

OK dearies-
By the power invested in me by a passing an unfortunate and rather shady looking pigeon outside of the starbucks on St. Giles Street (this of course not being the starbucks on Cornmarket Street...lovely lattes they make or the one on the opposite side of broadstreet I am telling you frappincinos to die for...*cough*but I digress) Everyone is now allowed to listen to Christmas Music...At the stroke of midnight upon the 24th of November a glorious thunder of the heavenly host personal (aka...umm...iTunes Music Redux a delightful sinful program in which one can pirate loads of music from fellow peers .....yarr matey) delivered me 336 christmas tracks to enjoy in which I fully intend to offer my voice in heartfelt thanks and praise in this holiday that celebrates the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ ....This is keeping in the spirit of the beginning of Advent when we share in the hymns of old, deep lyrically stunning works written to truly inspire the mind and understand the true meaning of Christmas....Yes you know what I am talking about, a song that is an epic....not only an epic worthy of a Shakespearean tragedy...Indeed, The tragic and emotionally provocative....Grandma got run over by a reindeer.....

Does anyone truly know how the composer of this song was inspired? I mean here you are gathered around the Christmas tree partaking in a little Christmas caroling and as the voices of your relatives hit new shuddering heights, you look over to see your very old, wrinkled grandmother in the corner has had too much eggnog and has drifted off. Drool sliding down the corner of her mouth onto her fashionably knitted wooled red dress which is enhanced with a giant cameo of Frosty gracing her lapel, little green puff balls on her black loafers, topped off by a miniature of Santa clauses sleigh and eight tiny reindeer fashioned into somes sort hair abomination.... It suddenly Hits you ...Inspiration..Eureka.....Genius.... AH HA you say....I now understand the true meaning of Season....Christmas is a time of turkey, family togetherness, snow, bright lights, church Christmas pageant, and .....Malicious reindeer with sadistic streak and rather as it be a murderous hatred for a fairly old person who is a runs a Compulsive Christmas Cookie sweatshop right from her own kitchen....I can see how the connection can be made...riiiiiiiigght.

I suppose this isn't as bad...Music is what you make of it....But really folks there is only so much a person can take...Walking through borders the other day I happen to glance to my left and my world came to a shuddering halt... ...Yes that's right....On shelvesnow at a local retailer near you ..... THE STAR WARS CHRISTMAS ALBUM! Didn't George Lucas reached the peak of his marketing propaganda when he came out with the Mr. 'Darth Vador' potato Head? No he must persist in his goal of World Domination....GIVE IT UP MR. LUCAS YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BE POPE!

So what makes this album so bad? Well let's see here... First off you've got both C-3PO and R2-D2 actually trying to sing Christmas songs. HELLO DOES ANYONE ELSE SEE A PROBLEM WITH THIS? R2- D2's only lines of the movies consisted of a various amount of prolonged beeps and whirls...C-3P0 happens to be what Ben Stein would sound like if he would be suddenly smitted by God.....You've got a bunch of horrible actors trying to sound like Droids. You've got random Star Wars sound effects thrown into the middle of regular Christmas songs. And last but not by far the worst, you've got some crackpot 18-year-old by the name of John Bongiovi fronting a high school choir on one of the songs.

The Christmas Classics on this album include but are not limited to :

Christmas In The Stars"

"Bells, Bells, Bells"

"The Odds Against Christmas"

What Can You Get A Wookiee For Christmas (When He Already Owns A Comb?"

"R2-D2 We Wish You A Merry Christmas"

As my friend Jason Beck would say this dear people is a musical abortion......Lyrical genocide that far extends anything that the composer of "Grandma got runover by a reindeer" could cook up.....Yes this is the end of the Universe........ Seasons Greetings ....

But where did all the rum go......

So I was bumming around on the blog of a friend of mine from CMRS when I ran across this exciting and fascinating quiz WHAT HERO WOULD YOU BE? za Ha I thought to myself, this looks like fun ...well my dears here are my results...thats right folks in the HERO reality I am a man.....

You scored as Captain Jack Sparrow. Roguish,quick-witted, and incredibly lucky, Jack Sparrow is a pirate who sometimes ends up being a hero, against his better judgement. Captain Jack looks out for #1, but he can be counted on (usually) to do the right thing. He has an incredibly persuasive tongue, a mind that borders on genius or insanity, and an incredible talent for getting into trouble and getting out of it. Maybe its brains, maybe its genius, or maybe its just plain luck. Or maybe a mixture of all three. Captain Jack Sparrow 96% Lara Croft 75% Maximus 71% Indiana Jones 63% The Amazing Spider-Man 63% Batman, the Dark Knight 63% William Wallace 58% James Bond, Agent 007 50% Neo, the "One" 46% El Zorro 42% The Terminator 38% Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

So I now I must say to myself...How in the world did this happen ....I did remember once or twice saying that i liked trench coats and black leather....Not that I am disappointed or anything. I think what must have sealed my fate was the questions directed towards Rum (STRONGLY agree), Tattoo (umm...yes *sheepishly*), and do people think you are eccentric (well now I would have to say I am perfectly sane..but for some strange reason many people seem to disagree with me......)