A moment of Consideration.

It has now been a full week since I stepped off the plane in Hamburg. So where do the events that plagued my life last week leave me.....How do I cope with the loss of what was to be a summer of personal validation? Physical proof that I can anything if I challenge myself to take risks. Will I be able look at myself in the mirror everyday for the next month, even the next year and not regret my decision concerning the Camino? Did I give up to easily or allow fear to stop me from going after something I had dreamed about for years?

Not easy questions to tackle.

I spent the last week walking around the island. Visiting the local cathedrals, taking in the sights and sounds of the city streets- and exploring a history that I know nothing about. However fate seems to intervene when you need it the most- while walking around the city archives with Erika, we made a very strange discovery. Coming across a flyer marking pilgrims routes throughout Europe, we found that throughout my crazy journey- I never left the camino trail. Historically, Lubeck was a starting point for the Camino to Santiago de Compostela. The next stop, traditionally was Hamburg. ..huh..strange. From there - it was revealed that the pilgrims church sits right around the corner of our apartment- and furthermore the building which housed the pilgrims hostel is on our street. In fact this coming weekend there is to be an entire day reflecting up pilgrimage including traditional music, liturgy, and a blessing. Interesting.....

This put what I had considered on of my greatest failure's into far more positive perspective- which, at that point, I desperately needed. After reflecting a great deal on these revelations I came to several important conclusions....


Technically my pilgrimage has remained open. I never officially closed it when I left St. Jean- I am still registered. Each morning I walk by the church of St. Jakobi and visit the carved relief of St. James- I haven't given up yet. Just because it may take sometime to reach Santiago de Compostela does not mean I won't. At heart I am still on my pilgrimage and this has kept me going. My pilgrims shell remains tied to my backpack and credencial du Peregrino is tucked into my pocket. The events of last week were simply part of my personal Camino.

There is a great book written by Phil Cousineau entitled "The Art of Pilgrimage: the Seekers Guide to Making Travel Sacred". I had found this guide a few years back and to this day it remains one of my favorite books. I highly recommend it for anyone who enjoys a good adventure away from home. It is one of those books which aides in putting life's unexpected events in perspective. Why am I bringing this up? There is one passage in particular that sticks out - after which I promise to returned to the 'light-hearted sarcasm and banter that tends to plague my blog'-

"For the pilgrim traveling a great distance and at great personal expense, the image of a path coiling into a labyrinth as the destination nears is a powerful one. Fear, sacrifice, confusion, betrayal, theft, even death are the invariables travelers are loathe to think about. The sheer physical exertion of the thousand-mile walk to a saint's tomb can evoke strong emotions of resentment and doubt; the loss of money, passport or a travel companion can threaten a long-planned journey. You may have been given wrong directions, or perhaps were deliberately entrapped by con artists. Your baggage may have been misdirected and not returned to you for a week. You may feel savaged with disappointments about the people whom you are fated to travel on a group pilgrimage. Unaccustomed loneliness, unfamiliar food, unexpectedly kitschy architecture at the shrine you have dreamed of visiting all your life- all of these disappoints can result in confusion, frustration, and chaos that have been symbolized for centuries in the the image of the labyrinth.
And yet, as Aldous Huxley has written, "Experience is not what happens to you, it is what you do with what happens to you".
Ask yourself what form your clew* will be as the the inevitable darkness and dismay descend on your journey. Patience, silence, trust and faith are venerable qualities of the pilgrim, but more important is the practice of them.
No one has ever escaped the shadowy corridors of a labyrinth without them"

and with that I too will move on and keep navigating my personal labyrinth. I accept the challenge of its twists and turns and look the path in front of me, not the obstacles and walls behind me.

Thank you everyone for your love and support - I couldn't have made it around that last corner without you. It was a doozy. All I can say is Ulteya! -move forward with courage my friends-

Bon Camino
Susan






***the word clue comes from the old word clew. (yes it is not a spelling error on my part - hard to believe) Clew was the name given to the gold thread in mythology that Ariadne gave to Theseus so he might find his way through and back from the heart of the Labyrinth.