Moscow: A Horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse.

So last night, or rather this morning around 1:30, a friend and I were braving the streets of after-hours Moscow. We had gone to the coffee house (actually called Coffee house, its a chain similar to starbucks), to get a little work done and ended up staying way later than we should have. In this little excursion I broke several of my cardinal rules of studying abroad:

Rule Number One: Never walk in a group less than three after 10 at Night in a large foreign city. One person is sure to be mugged, two a little bit more challenging but doable, three not likely. Yeah- It was just me and a very blond American looking Colin.

Rule Number Two: Never talk to a stranger if they approach you and attempt to make conversation. Its one thing to ask directions, or if you approach them; but let me just say that George the crazy Armenian who approached us at the coffee house fell under neither of these categories. Colin did not apparently catch my "don't make eye contact" approach. For the next hour we were entertained by the Sketchie George who explained his obsession with "everything that is English".

Rule Number Three: avoid random horses walking down the sidewalk in the middle of a large foreign city at 1:30 in the morning. (seriously where does one keep a horse in the middle of Moscow?)

Rule Number Four: avoid talking to sketchie groups of Italians in the middle of a large foreign city at 1:30 in the morning

Rule Number Five: Don't get hit by cars driving on the sidewalk in the middle of a large foreign city at 1:30 in the morning (don't worry I didn't actually break this rule...but it was a challenge not to)

Rule Number six: Don't walk down dark ally ways with only one person in the middle of a large foreign city at 1:30 in the morning.

Rule Number seven: Don't forget your key to your hostel.

Rule Number eight: Don't bang on your hostel door and wake up half the neighborhood trying to get into your hostel at 1:30 in the morning.

Rule Number Nine: try to avoid cars that drive backway down a street in the middle of a large foreign city at 1:30 in the morning.

Sigh....just when I though Moscow couldn't get any sketchier........

Moscow: the word for Hell in the Russian Language.

Well here is an update on life in Moscow. After several good days getting to know my surroundings, enjoying the fabulous art museums and theatre, etc, I was almost beginning to like Moscow....sort of. But once again bitter irony rules my life. I see you shiver at anticipation ..what went wrong Susan you ask.....

Today was one comedy of errors after another, beginning with me opting to leave my scarf and hat behind as I dress for the theatre. Tonight we were to go to the production of K.I Crime (a story adapted from a character in crime and punishment) which was playing at a theater less than three blocks away....oh how misguided I was. I mean really, I paying for this personal abuse or is it just an extra bonus? First of all- the weather here has taken a turn for the worst. Instead of snowing or I don't know NOT SNOWING, Moscow has decided to become a floodplain. Rain....lots...and lots of rain. So when I stepped out of the hostel I got a face full of water- soaking my beautifully primped hair and making my "oh so stunning makeup job" run. DAMNIT! well from there we walked the three blocks in the rain, avoiding the crazy drivers, large pools of water collecting in the sidewalks and angry bitter Russian pedestrians who apparently, do to some sort of extreme inhuman stoic ability, were completely oblivious to the rain. Anyway we arrived....Barely... at our latest venue only to find out that the play we are supposed to see is actually playing tomorrow- our prof. Accidentally made a mistake and mixed the dates up. yet again... I ask you WHY. It turned out that the play we were supposed to see was three metro stops and two change overs away...in the middle of rush hour on the subway of course. But did that deter our group...sigh sadly enough no. Tell me your group didn't attempt to brave the subway susan under the misguided notion that you would actually make it to the play in time, you say.


.............

...yes yes we did.

We attempted to run, push, and battle our way through hordes of pissed off Russians in the subways. GOOD LORD as Neil diamond would say. Well we were about five minutes late, they locked the doors on us, and there we stood, bruised an battered with no tickets. Could it get an worse you ask. oh yes...yes yes yes it could. ......wait for it. As we stood there soaking wet, the wind picked up. I managed to survive two huge blasts of wind...but third managed to pick my purse from my shoulder (which of course had my money, camera, books, tickets etc) and hurl in straight into one of the lakes forming in the middle of the sidewalk.

....(silence)
..(oh painful silence)

...(agony....Torment).

and that is why my dear friends that I know for a fact that Hell does indeed exist and is not merely some town in Michigan. Thats right it is here in Russian and its name is really Moscow.

Moscow: life is shit, get used to it.

Well here we go, a blog live from the biggest and most populated city in Russia: Moscow. The city of dreams...or lack there of. Yeah, I think if I had to live in Moscow I would shoot myself within a month, so its probably a good thing that I am only spending two weeks here before moving to a different mind-numbing- final edge of depression- pit of despair....cough ...that would be novsgrad and st. Petersburg. Since my time online is short, and it is rather hard to be particularly witty at 3:30 in the morning (DAMN THE RUSSIANS AND THEIR FREAKING OBSESSION WITH FIREWORKS), I am going to do one of my now standard top ten lists of positive and negative things about Moscow and since I am in one of those "the glass is half full.....That is of poison" moods, lets start with a oh so sunny happy bunny, kitten and fucking rainbows list.

Ten things I love about Moscow:

1) Those russkies know how to make some damn fine coffee and no you assholes that is not a sarcastic remark (its amazing how people tend to immediately assume that I am being sarcastic when I am giving a compliment....I really have no idea why). Anyway Me likee the Coffeee.

2) .................

3).................um......

4) the depressing pictures I have taken of the dirty abandoned playgrounds here will probably win me first place in the St. olaf photo contest- seriously they just LOOOVE povertyesque photos...Actually though I don't think these playground really qualify as poverty stricken as much as they do sad, pathetic and suicidal. No wonder everyone here become an alcoholic at age 6.

5). ......................

6). ........Give me a minute

7) ......Seriously SHUT UP I am trying to think........

8) .....Well I had some nice cheese this morning......

9),....Ooooo I know, the theater really is well done. I saw a fantastic version of Oscar Wilde's The Happy Prince that totally transcended the language barrier and Checkov's The Seagull ........See that was a sincere compliment, way to go Russians! a redeeming spark of hope in your otherwise bleak lives.

10) yeah ...that one kind of tapped me out .

The top ten things I despise about Moscow

1) the smelly Russian man who hangs around our hostel, who does not understand that no I really don't speak Russian and no making large hand gestures is not going to help. Furthermore he better understand that he'd better stop touching my food with the same hand he uses to scratch his "happy trail" better yet how about not touching my breakfast at all.

2) fireworks. This topic has been aptly covered see above for details.

3) People who have sex in the hostel shower.

4) People who have sex in the hallway outside of my room

5) people who have sex in the staircase.

6) The policeman and their really scary batons.

7) Crazy old women who work the coat check at the theatre's who simply don't understand that I did not sew my coat and therefore I am not responsible for there not being a loop sewn into the collar.

8) Everything served raw

9). Angry people.

10) Never seeing the sun.

well dearies that about raps this blog up. I am holding up the line. Sorry about not having any fun pics you'll just have to forgive me. Until next time.