This is the only LIFE I got!

well I spent the entire morning in the Bodleian. Now for people who don't know, the Bodleian is this gienormous library in Oxford. Featuring 8 miles of books, it is considered the pivotal center of high learning. I was sooo excited to finally be able to enter its walls...so naive was I ...for there is a darker side to the Bodleian ....It is a repressive, Bad-Karma, "don't even think about breathing to loud" atmosphere, that requires one to take a blood oath..(well maybe not blood....) to just enter its formidable walls. Ye shall not take thoust books outside of thine walls or thou will be tracked down like a hunted dog.....Which means instead of indulging in a friendly cup of starbucks no-whip skinny ginger bread lattee with an extra shot of expresso, and settling down in a warm inviting atmosphere of decadent smells and charming background conversation, I am forced to sit in the most uncomfortable chairs known to mankind and freeze in the chilly air of repression, shut off from all normal human contact. Here the student population are slaves to a higher realm of academia. Trapped by their own individual chains of intellectual pursuit.....Could this be my personal hell?...sitting in my little carroll this morning it sure felt like it. By 1 o'clock I found myself starting to develop a nervous eye tick. I could feel the cold grip of academia rules and regulations begin to tighten around my throat. My eyes began to burn and my palms sweat. I could bear the burden no longer! The growing stacks of books that have never seen natural sunlight piled around me promised at least 8 more hours of unholy academic bondage.... My brain suddenly began to liquefy and slide out my left ear. NO! My inner soul screamed I NEED TO LIVE! I NEED TO ESCAPE SOMEHOW! Brandishing my pencil I stood up, knowing that each moment counted. Out of the left corner of my eye I could the agents of the dark side of academia start to make their moves towards me. It was now or never. Screaming a glorious warcry that would make any extra in Braveheart jealous I surged forward. from the second level on of the keeper of the stacks did a swan dive in a desperate suicidal effort to stop me from achieving freedom, from my left another librarian whipped out a new package of shiny paperclips ready to fire upon command, Dead center was the porter, I knew him to be the my greatest challenge, "LET ME SEE YOUR BAG!LUV" He cried swooping for my possessions. "NEVER" I screamed...Stabbing him with my pencil I executed three process backflips, did seven cartwheels and an a highly unnecessary tuck and roll, coming face to face with two gigantic wooden doors. Behind this portal was lay freedom, truth, and the romance novel genre! Human contact! COFFEE! With an incredible show of strength and determination I pushed the doors open and was basked in the glow of the midday sun. Shrieking in pain, those who meant to stop me backed away from these glorious rays...I walked forward into glory..... aka the starbucks directly around the corner....Victorious ....Never to grace the doors of the Bodleian again....Until at least noon tomorrow.....