Ok I am only going to say this once.......the saga continues
Lately everyone I talk to is seemly unhappy where they are in life. They feel that either A) They have plateaued in a long ending plateau that strangely enough looks like Minnesota in March and there is no way out of this plateau of HELL. or B) they are simply destined to remained trapped in the mediocre version of the American dream (ooo that sounded almost educated...that's right people Me and mine is pretty educated...we gots lots of knowledge). My initial response to this is
WELL GET OFF THE FREAKING PITY TRAIN ALREADY AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT DAMNIT....
However this is soon followed by a more empathic response, as after all I have had those....*cough* weak moments where I bitch about life, love, and the lack of arches in my feet....I know that this admittance of, shall we say, vulnerability comes as a shock to those adoring fans who believe in my status as a superior evolutionary being. This being said I now defer back to my original statement
GET OF THE FREAKING PITY TRAIN ALREADY AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT DAMNIT!
I will only be empathic, sympathetic, and any other "thetic" you can think of for so long..If you don't like something about your life, there is a plan ...a strategic plan if you will, of which you can take to "self-Help" your life back together.....Lets just called this plan "Susans less than 12 but definitely more than 5 right around 8ish step plan to making life fran-fricking tastic"....
**disclaimer......well hell I really don't have a disclaimer because I could care less if this actually works but it works for me so shove off. oh by the way - this blog may or may not be a product of the financial class I am taking which at times feels more like a self-help class even though I really don't need self help.
STEP 1: identify the proverbial "pain in the ass" problem that is making you a Sad Sally/Downer Dane
STEP 2: cry about it and eat half a tub of ice cream (yes you have to do this because i say so)
STEP 3: Get pissed and take it on everyone around you...making your life a total emotional disaster (yes you also must do this ...tough love people tough love)
STEP 4 (aka the Epiphany step): Stop your bitching an moaning to other people and realize nobody is going to hand you a life of zen ....the sooner you achieve this acceptance the easier it will be for you and the rest of the people who were innocent bystanders of YOUR problems (hey they probably are on the same program too so give them a break already)
STEP 5: take out the problem with a large blunt object. (I leave it up to your personal discretion as to the weapon of choice...they all have their certain advantages and disadvantages. This can be a most satisfying step so don't skimp here. If I suggest a little light reading....I have personally found that George Riley Scott's History of Torture to be quite useful particularly pages 117 and the section on page 164 on boiling, frying and the torture techniques of the maccabees.....don't ask, this is a side of me that nobody really understands. Just accept me for who I am ...every sperm isssss ssaaaacred....)
STEP 6: After removing problem/issue/pain in the ass proceed to conquer and destroy any and all assets...
STEP 7: Victory dance and ritual sacrifice.
STEP 8: and scene.....do remember i said 8 ....ISH.
and there you go.
Why I myself applied this great 8 step program just last week when I put in my two weeks at kohls...a PAIN IN MY ASS.
I held the biggest pity party ever, bitched about it to other people, took out my frustrations on my roommates, realized i should just quit, quit but on good terms...thus taking with me their positive reference..two weeks spending on their employee discount, not working on black Friday and the opportunity to come back if i ever get desperate...yeah me...victory dance baby.
This example is called action...which is why i am a superior being, bend to my ultimate will. If you don't like something about your life...change it and give it a goddamn rest already.
WELL GET OFF THE FREAKING PITY TRAIN ALREADY AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT DAMNIT....
However this is soon followed by a more empathic response, as after all I have had those....*cough* weak moments where I bitch about life, love, and the lack of arches in my feet....I know that this admittance of, shall we say, vulnerability comes as a shock to those adoring fans who believe in my status as a superior evolutionary being. This being said I now defer back to my original statement
GET OF THE FREAKING PITY TRAIN ALREADY AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT DAMNIT!
I will only be empathic, sympathetic, and any other "thetic" you can think of for so long..If you don't like something about your life, there is a plan ...a strategic plan if you will, of which you can take to "self-Help" your life back together.....Lets just called this plan "Susans less than 12 but definitely more than 5 right around 8ish step plan to making life fran-fricking tastic"....
**disclaimer......well hell I really don't have a disclaimer because I could care less if this actually works but it works for me so shove off. oh by the way - this blog may or may not be a product of the financial class I am taking which at times feels more like a self-help class even though I really don't need self help.
STEP 1: identify the proverbial "pain in the ass" problem that is making you a Sad Sally/Downer Dane
STEP 2: cry about it and eat half a tub of ice cream (yes you have to do this because i say so)
STEP 3: Get pissed and take it on everyone around you...making your life a total emotional disaster (yes you also must do this ...tough love people tough love)
STEP 4 (aka the Epiphany step): Stop your bitching an moaning to other people and realize nobody is going to hand you a life of zen ....the sooner you achieve this acceptance the easier it will be for you and the rest of the people who were innocent bystanders of YOUR problems (hey they probably are on the same program too so give them a break already)
STEP 5: take out the problem with a large blunt object. (I leave it up to your personal discretion as to the weapon of choice...they all have their certain advantages and disadvantages. This can be a most satisfying step so don't skimp here. If I suggest a little light reading....I have personally found that George Riley Scott's History of Torture to be quite useful particularly pages 117 and the section on page 164 on boiling, frying and the torture techniques of the maccabees.....don't ask, this is a side of me that nobody really understands. Just accept me for who I am ...every sperm isssss ssaaaacred....)
STEP 6: After removing problem/issue/pain in the ass proceed to conquer and destroy any and all assets...
STEP 7: Victory dance and ritual sacrifice.
STEP 8: and scene.....do remember i said 8 ....ISH.
and there you go.
Why I myself applied this great 8 step program just last week when I put in my two weeks at kohls...a PAIN IN MY ASS.
I held the biggest pity party ever, bitched about it to other people, took out my frustrations on my roommates, realized i should just quit, quit but on good terms...thus taking with me their positive reference..two weeks spending on their employee discount, not working on black Friday and the opportunity to come back if i ever get desperate...yeah me...victory dance baby.
This example is called action...which is why i am a superior being, bend to my ultimate will. If you don't like something about your life...change it and give it a goddamn rest already.
posted by susan at 3:53 AM
3 Comments:
Wait, you're not a superiorly evolved being? A world is crumbling here for me, Susan... Better go get that tub of ice cream.
In all honesty, your process makes sense, and should be used, sans the tub of ice cream and physical beatings.
PS: There's some random person posting sonnets on my blog...
Is it okay if I move straight from the ice cream to the victory dance and ritual sacrifice? And then back to the ice cream? All of that dancing, pyre-building, and slaughter makes me hungry.
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